Today I feel: sad

This past week, life reared its ugly head in my house. My roommate, Jill, my bestest Milwaukee friend, found out that her mom was killed in a car accident late Monday night. I guess she got a call from her dad Tuesday morning; I was already at work, so found out about it over the phone from one of my other roommates. Safety tip #1: It is not good to cry at work...eyeliner everywhere.

I called her Tuesday night and just left a message letting her know I was thinking about her and her family, but I wasn't even sure what to do. Guess I flipped out a little, because I wanted to make sure she was okay and I didn't know how she was doing. I hate this, because I feel like a big selfish blob no matter what I do. Am I checking on her because I care about her or to make myself feel better? Oh, to be human and have powers of higher thinking (or lower, whatever the case may be). She called last night and it was great to hear from her, even though I was at a loss for words. Guess it feels like I lost a little of my friend, too.

I only met Jill's mom, Janice, twice, but she seemed like a great lady, full of bright life, just like Jill. I would always get to hear stories about the crazy things she said or did. Jill's parents actually drove to Milwaukee from Elgin, IL, to hang out with us and take us out to The Cheesecake Factory because Jill and I were bored one night...lol! Crazy times, great people.

So I really don't know why I'm so emotionally-invested in this. Well, I suppose I do...Jill is a good friend and I don't want her to have to go through this. I'm also a daughter and can't imagine losing my mom. I've called my mom practically every night this week and she probably thinks I'm loony. She's right, but that's beside the point.

Two of my roommates and I drove to Elgin to go to the visitation today. We don't really know her family at all, but I was glad we could be there to support her. The funeral is tomorrow, so back to Elgin we go. I don't know when or if Jill will come back and that makes this whole thing really shitty. I hate that this has happened, I hate that Jill and her family have to deal with so much pain, and I hate that things won't be the same again (there's that selfishness). I just don't understand it. And then, on the way to Elgin today, we passed this billboard (yes, I had my camera with):



Hmmm..I guess that's it. But I AM human and I'm gonna make a little more effort to celebrate life: dance in the kitchen with my headphones cranked up, take a walk on a sunny day, play golf in the living room with my 2-year old nephew:



And tomorrow I'll celebrate with the Kline family and hundreds of other people who knew what a great lady this was.

Thanks for the cheesecake, Janice. :)

more nothingness

Is this year over yet? I mean, seriously...rabble rabble rabble.

Blurbs and whatnot:

I babysat for my 2 1/2 year old nephew this past Sunday. He's a blast to be around, but quite the handful. They just moved into a new house, which adds much excitement to the whole bag. He ate so much mac-and-cheese, I was really expecting some projectile vomit. But, the kid was a champion. Way to pack it away, Stevie. I don't think I can watch anymore of the Little People DVD for at least a couple of months, lest I want to start pulling my hair out. make it stop....I love him to death and am really glad I'm getting to spend more time with him AND see my brother and sister-in-law. Feel the love.

I went to Chicago two weekends ago to see my fabulous friend Brooklyn and Cooper was in town, too, so what a blast. I've said it before, I'll say it again..I love my friends. Thanks for hanging out with me, you guys. woot woot. :P And I love riding the Brown line...haa haa!!

My mom's gonna be in Milwaukee this weekend!! I'm so excited. I'll get to spend even more time with Stevie J, my nephew, so double the fun. We're gonna check out a Polish bakery for some packzi (the unhealthiest pastry EVER), in honor of upcoming Fat Tuesday and get in some good hanging time. My mom's awesome. YAY!

I'm crabby. Let it be known. Roar.

I should be in bed

It's 10:45 on a Friday night and I'm surprised I'm still awake. Holy crap, I sound like my mother!! (dun dun duuuuunnn.....) I don't know if work has really been that stressful lately, or if I'm coming down with something (all-I-want-to-do-is-take-a-nap-so-leave-me-the-f-alone-itis), but I am not doing so good. As I mentioned in my previous bloggin (haa...rhymes with tobaggan...side effect of lack of sleep...wait, no, just my bad humor), I've reverted to the old "turn off the alarm clock, go back to sleep" routine. I feel so drained when I wake up; six hours is supposed to be enough, right? bah!

I've gotten on a reading kick (maybe, just maybe, has something to do with the lack of sleep)...nothing but doctor books...oh, they're so fascinating (I'm a grade-A Nerd)!! And discouraging...students telling stories of hazing and being humiliated during rounds at the hospital...woooo!! Where do I sign?? But then...the absolutely worst thing imaginable to me...are you ready for this? Sure you can handle it?????.........................

COMPLETE AND UTTER LACK OF SLEEP-------NOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! Please don't tell me this! Not now, not when I might actually be making up my mind on what could be one of the most important decisions I've made in a long time(and if you know me well, heck if you've just known me a few hours, you know I have issues with making decisions: "I don't care where we eat, just pick somewhere and don't make me do it, for the love of God!!!!").

And with that folks, medicine has lost its appeal. Stories of med students being so tired they can barely string together coherent sentences, being up for the last 48 hours on-call, or falling asleep standing up during rounds at 4:30 in the am....riiight.

What's that, you say? There's an opening for a cashier at Petco? HHAA HAAA...okay, really, that's not funny, just downright wrong (on so many levels). No offense to all you Pet-hos out there; it's just not the life for me. So I plug along in this crazy world, trying to diagnose (I do want to be a doctor!) my tiredness and feeling uber proud because I knew the answer to Final Jeopardy--obviously a measure of one's success in life--today as I was running on the treadmill at the gym...it's hospice care, you dumbasses, hospice care (I actually wanted to start yelling the answer at the morons on the tv---I AM turning into my mother)!! Guess that honors thesis came in handy for something, huh? HUH???

Realization of the day: I like looking words up in the dictionary when I don't know what they mean. Wait, that's like learning, right? :P

Currently reading: "What I Learned in Medical School: Personal Stories of Young Doctors", soon to be followed by "Bedside Manners: One Doctor's Reflections on the Oddly Intimate Encounters Between Patient and Healer". This is some good shit, people.