Maybe it's seasonal affective disorder

I am in a funk, and what a grand funk it is (railroad excluded...haa haaaaa...eh). I'm convinced it's because I've come to the realization that my job is hard and it'll continue to be hard...and it's such a long road. Health care is supposed to be this great enterprise, centered around caring for and helping people, but when you get down to the dirt, it can be a corrupt and complicated business...far more than I ever would have imagined.

I think I'm slowly starting to lose sight of those little things, the small joys in life that need to be held close. Without those, a person can go crazy. Perhaps a good nap will help.

The weather is getting drearier by the day. But I really do like winter, the cold, the snow. I went running with one of my housemates today and it was wonderful to breathe in the cool fall air, to feel it fill my lungs with its harshness. Have you ever held a breath of cold air, let it resonate in your chest? It's crisp and refreshing, which is how it felt to be running outside. Even though it was damp and drizzling, it was awesome. Until my shins started to complain in a way that hampered my running...aaah! Shin transplants...hmm...it's an idea.

We finally broke down and turned the heat on in our 'simple' house. :P What a joy not to have frozen toes!

My parents were in town this past week, watching Stevie J(my nephew), so I got in some good quality family time. It was very good to see them, but maybe being thrown back into that familiarity started tugging at my heartstrings...how I want to be surrounded by inviting faces and people who know me, rather than questioning looks on the street and general assumptions about who I am as a person.

Life is what you make of it, so I better get building. I'm having trouble right now, everything flying around me, ideas and dreams running circles in my head. I'm trying too hard to get to the 'destination', wherever that may be. Time to revert to the old crazy self and just let things go. Sounds like a plan, huh?

I cut my bangs myself tonight (sounded very simple), and I think it went alright. Nothing too askew, anyway. I just finished reading The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold and it's an excellent read! Very thought-provoking and meaningful. Read it!! I'm sure some lines from it will turn up on here sooner or later. I'm onto A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith next. I think once upon a time I heard something good about this book, so I figured what the heck; I'll let you know how it turns out. I'm infatuated with books and libraries. I can wander the aisles for hours, scanning the shelves for interesting subjects or titles, trying to choose which one I'll read next. Knowledge is power. Or I'm just a bookworm.

I've rambled long enough, time to go.