Maybe it's seasonal affective disorder

I am in a funk, and what a grand funk it is (railroad excluded...haa haaaaa...eh). I'm convinced it's because I've come to the realization that my job is hard and it'll continue to be hard...and it's such a long road. Health care is supposed to be this great enterprise, centered around caring for and helping people, but when you get down to the dirt, it can be a corrupt and complicated business...far more than I ever would have imagined.

I think I'm slowly starting to lose sight of those little things, the small joys in life that need to be held close. Without those, a person can go crazy. Perhaps a good nap will help.

The weather is getting drearier by the day. But I really do like winter, the cold, the snow. I went running with one of my housemates today and it was wonderful to breathe in the cool fall air, to feel it fill my lungs with its harshness. Have you ever held a breath of cold air, let it resonate in your chest? It's crisp and refreshing, which is how it felt to be running outside. Even though it was damp and drizzling, it was awesome. Until my shins started to complain in a way that hampered my running...aaah! Shin transplants...hmm...it's an idea.

We finally broke down and turned the heat on in our 'simple' house. :P What a joy not to have frozen toes!

My parents were in town this past week, watching Stevie J(my nephew), so I got in some good quality family time. It was very good to see them, but maybe being thrown back into that familiarity started tugging at my heartstrings...how I want to be surrounded by inviting faces and people who know me, rather than questioning looks on the street and general assumptions about who I am as a person.

Life is what you make of it, so I better get building. I'm having trouble right now, everything flying around me, ideas and dreams running circles in my head. I'm trying too hard to get to the 'destination', wherever that may be. Time to revert to the old crazy self and just let things go. Sounds like a plan, huh?

I cut my bangs myself tonight (sounded very simple), and I think it went alright. Nothing too askew, anyway. I just finished reading The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold and it's an excellent read! Very thought-provoking and meaningful. Read it!! I'm sure some lines from it will turn up on here sooner or later. I'm onto A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith next. I think once upon a time I heard something good about this book, so I figured what the heck; I'll let you know how it turns out. I'm infatuated with books and libraries. I can wander the aisles for hours, scanning the shelves for interesting subjects or titles, trying to choose which one I'll read next. Knowledge is power. Or I'm just a bookworm.

I've rambled long enough, time to go.

Pictures!!!

Either Tyler's gonna direct, or it's chicken dance time, people....yowza!

Me and Jamie..gosh darn, we look good!

Aahhh haaa haaa...Benny!!

Saxomaphoners! Woot woot!!

This is great...you're such a dork. too much, too much!!

Tut tut..looks like, uh...fall?

The weather here is just nuts! About a week ago it was 80 for a few days, and now it's decided to get colder. The temps have been averaging about 50, which really isn't all that cold, I realize (back home in ND there's snow already!), but it sure feels freezing! Being the simple-minded LVC'ers that we are, we refuse to turn on our heat til absolutely necessary. With wood floors and lots of windows, I think our house is a personal Artic wasteland right now...we're talking group jumping jacks to warm up, folks. That's right...just drive by and you'll see a bunch of crazy girls jumping around the living room, doing laps around the kitchen...how wonderful!! And being that I have to sit outside to get a wireless signal, my hands are not very happy with me at all. Something must be done about this. Guess we'll wait and see.

I got to go home to Grand Forks last weekend for homecoming there...gooo Sioux!! The football team is still whomping on every opponent (knock on wood), so that's awesome. If they make it to Alabama again, I may just have to finaggle my way down there..
It was awesome to be home again!!! Nothing like being surrounded by good friends and all things familiar :D It felt great. The Greyhound bus ride (all 7 glorious hours!) was even tolerable, knowing that I was gonna see all my friends. :) The leaves are changing, too, so the scenery was gorgeous. I got to hang out with my bandinos again and play a saxomaphone (Thanks, Jamie!!!), go to the Rex (me and Coop ran a wicked 5-K...haaaa!!), and see my roomie Erin again! It was awwweeesome to see everybody...you guys are the coooolest!!!!!

At the same time, though, it really felt kind of weird. How is it that I was at home and back in my comfort zone, but I still felt out of place? Don't get me wrong; being home is this great feeling that you can feel from your head to your toes. But I'm connected to somewhere different now and I feel pulled here, cuz I know I have work to do (saving the world, that is.. :P). Could it be that I'm...gasp!!...growing up?? Eeekk! I dare say not! I wanted things to feel the same and be the same as they were before I moved to the good land, but I just couldn't do it. Maybe it was the fact that I was trying to cram months and months of hanging out into 2 1/2 little days...I think that stressed me out a little more than I thought it would. Oh, the contradictions that must be faced. Life is strange. Why, oh why?

Woe is me, yadda yadda...back to the craziness...the clinic is the clinic. I'm starting to get a little more familiar with everything, but it still hits me sometimes...this work we're doing. I made someone's day (go me!) by noticing on her chart that it was her birthday, so little things like that keep me pumped up, when the utter crappiness of our health care system rears its ugly head. I went to a new church today with my friend, Jeff, and I guess everyone is waiting til the last possible moment to turn on the heat, cuz the church was freezing, too! I just can't get away from it. There were a lot of babies in church and they were all super cute, so that put a smile on my face. :D yaaay, babies! We also went to a cool little coffee shop after church and their chai tea was excellent. Come visit...we'll go hang out :)

The leaves are falling and my fingers are freezing, so I'm headed back inside. Talk to you soon!

So, I'm starting to get busier, which means that I suck in keeping up with my blogging. I'll write more later, really...I just wanted to throw this at ya...the Dorothy Day - Dot Day or DD (double d!!!) - House (me, tory, amanda, jill, and laura...from the left) during orientation in Seattle. I don't particularly care for this picture, and we're all much cuter in person ;), but for now, this will do. Much love to everyone.